Designed for Divine Destinations

Raising children is the hardest thing in the world to do. As parents, our greatest concern is that we raise our children to be safe, responsible and well adjusted. Raising step kids is all that much harder. It is inevitable that there will be a certain amount of resistance because you are not their “real” parent. They fantasize about their missing parent or constantly compare you to the other parent in their life. Children of divorce or trauma (loss of a parent) have suffered some emotional blows early in their lives so how do you get through it with them?

How is it possible to get your step kids to like you when they are resistant? The simple answer is ….you can’t, nor should you try. What?? Then what do you do?

It doesn’t matter what you do, kids make up their mind about you and nothing you do will change it, they have to change it on their own. What you can do is be you. You will never be just like that parent and you shouldn’t try.

The most critical thing as a step parent is to have a united front (as my husband and I call it). My husband backs up what I say and any discipline I enforce and I do the same for him. If we disagree on the method, we talk about it in private. It’s a tough road if you do not have the support of your spouse and they do not emphasize to their children that they don’t have to like you but they do have to respect you.

The key element is not to worry about what they think of you. Every child is different and will therefore interact with you differently, even with your children born from you. If your step kids or your spouse points out what they see as inequity then you have to evaluate whether it is truly an inequality or if it’s their view point is inaccurate. It’s hard to take that look at yourself to see if there really is that unfair treatment, it there is, fix it. If you have done that search feel that their complaint is unfounded, explain to them how each child is different and has different needs (remind them of any previous complaints about comparison of siblings) and that you are interacting with each child as according to their needs, age and maturity.

Some days are easier than others but in the long haul, if you stay consistent you will eventually see how to get your step-kids to like you. If you do what you feel is best for everyone involved, they will mature one day and hopefully see that. If they don’t then it’s their own issue.

Charlotte Salafia

www.DesignedForDivineDestinations.com

“Where it’s not just about the Destination, but the journey to get there!”

Tags: Child, Divorce

This entry was posted on Sunday, August 30th, 2009 at 10:41 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.