Designed for Divine Destinations

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The other day I was driving past a local neighborhood park and I saw a mom with 3 little ones all decked out in collegiate alumni outfits. I like to imagine what scenarios might go with what I see when I’m out. I was prompted by a common scenario…I was thinking about how this couple probably met on the campus of this University or at a party and started dating. In college you have big dreams and all these ideas about the world. At the end you listen to a graduation speech (I had the pleasure of hearing Obama speak at ASU this year- will write about that later) in this speech they tell you how you are the future of the country and industry.

This woman had probably imagined herself in a career after all her studies and hard work. Maybe she wanted to be a business executive or a teacher, perhaps a counselor or artist. Whatever it was, I’m sure it was on hold because she was being full time mom.

So many women who start families end up feeling pulled in 2 directions. As little girls we heard the message in the 70s (yeah the 70s) that women can do what men do. We can have the same careers BUT the thing that wasn’t openly addressed was HOW. The logistics are difficult. Women are biologically programmed as the nesters up to a certain point in life. We are pulled toward taking care of a family, we are programmed to take care of the physical, emotional and spiritual needs of our family.

I have a lot of friends and talk to a lot of women. So many women who have a career feel guilty about not being there for their kids and so many women who raise their kids feel they are missing part of their life. Who is right? Both. It’s so difficult with whichever path you take.  A mom can have a career and not feel guilty. So, what career is right for me and how do I do it?

Here’s how a mom can have a career:

When the children are born there has to be a decision, stay at work and do day care. Work part time or stay home. A nice balance may be to work part time. That way there is the best of both worlds, income and more importantly connection to the rest of the world, and then there’s time with your kids. Working full time is trickier. Having someone you trust to take care of your children is essential. Look for flexibility can help as well. Be sure to set aside special time for your kids in your off time will make them feel special. This doesn’t mean you need to spoil them each weekend with trips to the zoo or other such outings. What kids want is time with you. If you opt to stay home until your kids are at a point where you can go back to work then stay committed to it.

This last point takes me back to this mom at the park. She can still have a career. Right now she can raise her kids and be there for their early formative years. She can also network with some other moms. There are tons of groups of stay at home parents who get together. When I was a kid, so many moms stayed at home, they had a good network right in their neighborhood. That’s so different now with so many moms working. We have to work a little more to get this network.

The key in all these scenarios is to be intentional. The full time mom must be intentional about how to divide her time and what her committment level is to her work. She has to be intentional about planning her time and having a solution to having family time. The part time mom has done this with the schedule she has. She gets the best of both worlds and the responsibility of both worlds but she has to be intentional with where her mind is, don’t go to work with kids on the mind and don’t bring work home. The stay at home mom has to be intentional in that eventually she will go back. She must create a plan for that or it won’t happen.

The mom with intentions to go back to work is a tough place but definitely do-able. She has to have a plan of action. It’s easy to assume the mommy identity alone. Moms are busy people and have a critical role at home. It’s easy to feel that the home can’t run without you so how does a mom avoid getting sucked into that? Definitely take care of the family as needed BUT be sure to take the time to take care of yourself. If you are in the habit of taking at least one day a week for yourself (guys get 2 days off their job every week) and don’t feel guilty for it. If you are intentional about taking time for yourself you won’t get sucked into the MOM identity alone. Going out with friends, taking golf lessons, ballroom dance, volunteer time at a place you love, craft time …whatever it is. Do it. Enjoy it, don’t feel guilty. Doing these things will help you retain an identitiy outside that mom role. It’s great being a mom but only being mom will leave you very empty when your kids don’t need you as much later on.

Now that my oldest is almost in high school and more responsible and babysits, I can let her take over for a bit while I go out and take care of some business or network or meet a friend for tea. I need that time or I wouldn’t function well at home. I am also grateful for personal development, it has done  a world of good for me.

Lots of moms choose to stay home and work a home business. That is tricky because kids dont’ recognize it as work when you don’t go to an office. The kids need to know when your work hours are and committ to them. Having a home businness affords many opportunities to women all around.

We at Designed for Divine Destinations offer coaching to women who have chosen to work a business at home in the home party  field. Women who have parties to demonstrate their product need coaching just like any other work. There is a need for both personal development and technical coaching on party set up, setting hostess expectations, booking parties and follow through. We would love to assist you with booking more parties, building a team and earning more money with your party business. Jody and I are both work from home moms and know what these challenges are, we offer solutions and coaching. If you are asking “what career is right for me?” and  would like to do a home business, we can help you find a reputable company that is right for you.

A mom can have a career and be a great mom when she is intentional and maps out a plan.

Charlotte Salafia

www.designedfordivinedestinations.com

Tags: Business, Day care, Executive officer, Family, home, Housewife, Mothers, parenting, what career is right for me

This entry was posted on Monday, June 22nd, 2009 at 12:20 pm and is filed under Biz Tips, Self Growth. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.