How does Divorce Affect Children
08.20.09
When I got divorced the people I was thinking of the most were my two children and how this would affect them.
Like alot of parents who get divorced, I stayed in a very unhealthy relationship for the kids.
I know, what was I thinking???
My youngest was only five at the time and he fared pretty well, my older daughter on the other hand had a pretty rough go of it! She was almost nine and stayed ‘mad and angry at mom until she was around fourteen’.
To say the least our time spent together was filled with yelling (on her part) and tears and biting my tongue on my end.
Through it all I always knew that I had a choice to make, and I decided that I wasn’t going to be that angry divorced parent who constantly put down the other; after all, our reasons for divorcing were between the two of us and not the fault of our children.
My new spouse (we are now a blended family, two his two mine and two together) gave me some very wise advice….just give her space, she will come back to love you…you are her mother and time does heal things.
My daughter is now a beautiful young lady of eighteen and even though I would love to be closer to her than we are, she knows I love and care for her. She said to me recently that even though she was young and angry at me, she sees how happy I am now and is glad that I made the right choice for myself and left her father.
Sometimes we stay in ‘toxic relationships’ because we are worried how it will affect our children, or what other people would say, or sometimes we stay out of fear…whatever ‘our’ reasons I’m here to tell you that deciding what is ‘best for you’ is always the best in the long run.
I love my life and family now, they know how much I love them and I’m always there…and best of all “I am happy, complete and confident in myself!” Being who I am today is truly the best gift I can give to my kids!
There is a saying, “A happy mom is the hub of a happy home!”, so don’t rob your family of happiness!
Here are a few tips that I’ve used:
1) Let your children know every time you see them that you love them and keep the communication lines open.
2) Yes, children or parents do get emotional in this time….remember to be the Best you and refrain from negativity.
3) Plan ‘fun dates’ with your kids! (every time our kids are all together…the first thing they do is haul out the game boards because we take the time to PLAY with them)
4) Don’t try to ‘buy your children’s love’ every kid sees through that!
All in all, the best advice is simply Time! And learn to forgive yourself!
Give your kids a hug today,
Jody in Beautiful BC
www.DesignedforDivineDestinations.com
“Where it’s not just about the Destination, it’s the Journey to get There”
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I agree with what your saying. My Dad’s parents stayed together for the kids, although they were arguing all the time. And this affected him and his sister more than if they had just got divorced. An unhappy family atmosphere isn’t going to help the children.
Although parents divorcing is bound to affect children in some way, there are ways of dealing with it that will not hurt them too much. For example not arguing in front of them and not critising the other parent in front of them.
Alex @ Divorce Lawyers London´s last blog ..James, Ruth & David fly to the US for the IACP annual conference
DivoRce is always going to affect children because they automatically go through the mourning process. It is an unconscious breaking-up of the family’s energy pattern.
I think for kids divorce is really hard. They have to hear all the fighting betweens parents and they get put in the middle a lot too which sucks too. I was 3 when my dad and mom got divorced and it sucked.
I keep read sites that talk about becoming relationship free, and seeing your information is encouraging, because it is not so easy as they say it is..
Good content, is this like a sales site for something or is it your content, because it’s good.
There are a lot of women (and men) who have gone through this same situation. Making it easier for your children to cope with a divorce can be difficult, but thanks to your helpful tips I’m sure many single mothers (and fathers) will make the process much easier to deal with.
I remeber I was three when my parents got divorce to to me it didn’t mean much, but my older brothers and sister it hurt them very bad. I think children should go into counseling when their parents get divorced.
Be Firm in Ending the Relationship. Think it over and over before you decide whether to break the relationship or not. Whatever decision you make will not only affect your future relationship with your partner as well as your children– it can also cause a lifetime regret if you’ll realize in the end that it’s him that you want to be with.
Hi,
I think marriage is a bond of two souls so that how a divorce can be possible and i think it really affect mainly your life and your children future because they are very innocent on that time and after some time they feel so alone. So i think divorce like a disaster for the life.
GR8 Mate, Wish we had people like you in New Zealand too, this is valuable content!
i think marriage is the relation who made in heaven but when the people got divorced and at that time if they have children then it badly affect their mentality of being loyal or reliable to any relation, and i think this is not good.
i think divorce affects children mentally more than physically since this will affect them in there relation making reliability in future
i think the person who affected by divorce is mainly the children since the husband and wife are big enough and mentally prepare for that so that they can managed easily but this things are stick to the children mind for long time and in future he/she will unable to make any reliable relation.
Great post. If a person really wants to stop the divorce from happening they need to reopen the lines of communication quickly and try to work on the differences in the relationship that are causing the issues.
Great article! Really enjoyed reading.
well divorce affect children very badly since it affect there mental capability of making relation and more on maintaining them which may support them to do the same in future.
All children react differently to their parents getting divorced. All you can do is try to deal with the situation as best you can and try to keep the children out of it. Unfortunately it’s not always that simple.
i think the person who affect highly or we can say badly is only the children since this things stick at there mind and may face some problem due to this in future. keep it up
my friend was in a really bad relationship in the past. she actually had a child with this man. He was physically and emotionally abusive and belittled me at every chance that he could get. Now that we are split up he is a deadbeat dad that does not pay child support or help at all with my daughter. she feel so much anger at this and she never want to let anyone treat her like this again.
Thank you for the very personal blog post. I see the effects of divorce firsthand as a New York divorce lawyer. I support anything that can help mitigate the effects of divorce. Best of luck.
David@NY Divorce Lawyer´s last blog ..New York Uncontested Divorce: NY Times Says Its Less Harmfull to Those Involved, Especially Children
More effect on children with divorce,first thing is there is lot of damage in relation ship and so many problems also facing in their life of education.
i think the main affect of divorce is on the children since they saw everything and this affect there mental very badly and they feel unable to make long relation. keep it up
I was looking for lawyer related articles and this was good
Kids snap back quickly as long as you don’t try to turn them against their father/mother . If you do, you will loose them forever when they are old enough to see what you did and why.
:O So mUch Info :O
It’s unfortunate that often parents make their kids take sides.